


Sentimentality in Handwritten Letters

by cherrylng



Category: Coldplay (Band), Muse (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Mental Anguish, Past Relationship(s), References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 19:51:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13643289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrylng/pseuds/cherrylng
Summary: Matt is one of the few to know that Corvo writes letters. That's not unusual. Who he writes his letters to and what he does with the letters are the reason why Matt keeps to his promise to keep it as a secret.





	Sentimentality in Handwritten Letters

_And I've had recurring nightmares_

_That I was loved for who I am  
And missed the opportunity  
To be a better man_  
~ Hoodoo  
  
“Chris, have you’ve seen Corvo?” Matt asks. Their friend had arrived at their Malibu house earlier today and now he had somehow disappeared without a trace. The three of them are going to be leaving together soon for a restaurant that has earned several James Beard Awards and even two Michelin stars.  
  
“He’s somewhere in the house!” Chris calls back from somewhere in the house.  
  
“Useful information,” Matt mutters to himself, rolling his eyes. To be fair, Chris is distracted by an inspiration that had him playing the piano for an hour now, so the blond man doesn’t have a clue in Corvo’s whereabouts.  
  
They weren’t going to be late for the dinner reservation, but to have the Japanese singer somehow squirrel himself away in their house with no information of where he is is disconcerting. He didn’t even pick up his phone when Matt tries to use call and text him. If they don’t find him soon, then they  _will_  be late.  
  
Considering that booking a table for two on Valentine’s Day is almost impossible without a reservation months in advance, it was easier to book for a table on a date only a few days earlier before the special day. But even that can be hard, not without a backdoor. Luckily, they do have a backdoor, a reliable one at that.  
  
All they needed was to ask Corvo, and Corvo could find the right links in his network, drop in a favour, and a table is booked.   
  
Since they have asked Corvo for a favour to do something considerably mundane and could’ve been done had they made their reservations earlier, both Matt and Chris know that they owe something for their friend. Luckily, what Corvo wants in return is to eat at the restaurant too, which meant sharing a table with the Japanese singer, to which Chris and Matt doesn’t mind.  
  
Matt pauses to think on where Corvo is in the house and eliminate several improbable places that he would be. Their houseguest wouldn’t venture into private rooms and some other rooms if explicitly told so or without asking them to be sure if he is allowed to. He isn’t at the living room, which Matt had already checked. He isn’t in the kitchen. He definitely isn’t using any of the bathrooms either.  
  
That left one last room tucked away in the corner of the house, which would be the library/office. To be more accurate, it was once an empty room that didn’t have much function for until they tucked their books away to have the house appear cleaner and later just put a desk and chair there to make it look formal.  
  
That is the one room that is public for there’s nothing to hide there. And Matt’s hunch is right when he reaches there.  
  
Matt enters the room to find Corvo there hunched down the desk, his right arm moving. Matt knocks the door quietly to get his attention, and a pair of brown and green odd eyes turn to look at him.  
  
“Oh, hey there, Matt,” Corvo greets. “I didn’t hear you come inside here.”  
  
“We’ve been looking around for you. Thought you disappeared and left our house.”  
  
“Sorry, didn’t hear you two. I must’ve turned off my phone.”  
  
“You busy right now?”  
  
“Yes,” Corvo answers. “Writing a letter.”  
  
“Who are you writing to?”  
  
Corvo gives a small grin. “You know who it is.”  
  
“Oh.” Matt takes a step back, realising who Corvo is referring to and suddenly felt like he intruded into something important. “Do you need me to…?” He points to the hallway to indicate whether he should leave or not.   
  
“It’s alright. I’m fine,” Corvo assures him. He pauses for a bit, before he adds. “Actually, I would love to have your company here with me.”  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“I’m sure.”  
  
Matt takes that permission by sitting down on a chair located at a distance away from the desk where Corvo is, keeping him company but not invading his privacy and personal space as he continues to write his letter.  
  
“So, what are you writing to her this time?” he asks.  
  
“Just the usual,” Corvo shrugs. “Mostly just the interesting stuff that’s happened these past couple of weeks.”  
  
If it were anybody else, Corvo would politely request to be left alone and wouldn’t have explained what he is doing. Matt is one of the few exceptions. He is incredibly lucky in this because by sheer chance, he had stumbled on this by accident years ago.   
  
At any other circumstances, this would have ended up badly. But this one didn’t. Maybe it’s because they have been friends for so long that Corvo trusts him to keep this a secret. And Matt has kept that secret even to this day. Not even Chris knows this particular hobby that Corvo had been doing for years.  
  
It is admirable in a way to Matt that Corvo is still going strong with this even to this day, writing letters to someone that he loved many years ago.  
  
“I’m going to be done writing this soon,” Corvo announces after minutes spent in silence. “I’m on the last few sentences.”  
  
Matt leans his head up. “Would you mind adding me into the letter to tell her I said hello?”  
  
“Already writing it as we speak.”  
  
A few more words scribbled, the pen is put down, and the papers are shuffled in line neatly.  
  
“Five pages,” Matt whistles. “Pretty impressive.”  
  
“I had a lot more to tell to her about than usual,” Corvo grins wryly.  
  
At a glance, Matt can see that the size of the words on the letter is not in the Corvo’s usual small and tidy handwriting style, instead the word size is larger and almost in cursive, confirming the brunet’s notice that the Japanese man had to write quicker than his usual handwriting speed.  
  
“Just one last thing to do now. Want to join me outside?” Corvo asks, pointing with his head at the window.  
  
Without hesitation, Matt stands up and follows the Japanese man towards the backyard garden. The sun is slowly descending when they got out, colouring the skies in orange and pink.   
  
Pulling a zippo lighter out of his pockets, Corvo flicks the flint-wheel ignition a few times until a small flame lights up. Then he sets the papers aflame.  
  
It’s not a shocking sight to see for Matt as Corvo burns his letter one paper at a time. This isn’t the first time that he had seen him do this.  
  
As far as Matt had known, ever since finding this secret out by accident Corvo has never kept any of the letters that he’d started writing for his previous girlfriend after she had passed, having burned them all thoroughly enough that no physical evidence of those letters can be found. Not many people know nowadays of why Corvo has been a bachelor for so many years, or even the true reason behind it. Until the day Corvo is ready to tell of it, he’s keeping mum to make sure that the less is said, the better.  
  
Corvo has another reason to burn those letters too that he’d explained to Matt years ago. To him, by burning those letters, he’s sending them to her to read it and keep it.  
  
Still, Matt thinks as he watches the first page of the letter burnt down to ash, it’s not something that he can get used to. Especially knowing what was written there. It would be akin to forcing himself to burn his favourite lyrics or his favourite books and comics.   
  
“Do you think that if she were still here with us, life could’ve been different for me?” Corvo asks while burning through the second page of his five-page letter.  
  
Matt startles at the question suddenly thrown at him.   
  
“Corvo—” He hesitates, unsure of how to answer that.  
  
“I know, I know. It’s not healthy to be obsessed of thinking about the would haves, could haves, and should haves. I’ve heard my therapists saying that quite enough. Just—” Corvo pauses and takes a breath. “—as a friend and someone who’s known me for a long time, I want to have my thoughts be entertained for now, if you’re alright with that?”  
  
“Sure, sure. I’m fine with it,” Matt says. It’s better to let him speak his mind before Matt can decide what to say. “What were you asking?”  
  
“It’s already a decade since Catherine had passed on,” Corvo starts as he takes another letter to burn it. “By now, I’m in my thirties and it’s not hard to picture myself having settled down with her, get married, have a kid or two if she had lived. Sure, I could have done the same with another man or woman had things been different, but…”  
  
“But?” Matt asks, pushing Corvo to move into the topic that troubled him.  
  
“But those are just scenarios that I have with her, not—not with anybody else,” Corvo says, crossing his arms when the third paper of the letter has burned away and he looks down at the ground. “I didn’t wished to have ended up like this.”  
  
“Nobody did, Corvo,” Matt says softly. The past still haunts Corvo, even though none of it from that aspect is his fault. “And no one would have expected what their own future would turn out even if they looked back at it.”  
  
Matt is of the opinion that the future gives you unexpected results because you can’t often be certain of what’s going to happen at all. Everything until then are just speculations and probabilities. After all, he didn’t expect that he and Chris’ feelings were more than just mutual friends. That they ended up together despite previous circumstances not really hinting that this would happen.  
  
For a moment there, there is a faraway look on Corvo’s face, his eyes unblinking as he looks at the horizon. Corvo lets out a sigh. “I still think of this till this day, Matt, thinking about what if she were still alive right now with us… do you think that I could’ve been a better man than what I am nowadays? Or at least, different?”  
  
Matt ruminates with his thoughts. Of the question of Corvo. He had known the Japanese man by over a decade of friendship coming from performing in small clubs and pubs and in the wild parties they’ve done. Corvo had changed a lot since he and Matt first met. Sometimes, like right now, it can be hard for Matt to remember that there was once a time when Corvo wasn’t so sombre, when his energy was actually much more vibrant and positive than others would believe. When there was once a time when the smile on his face is not a mask to hide his true emotions.  
  
The way Matt sees it, Corvo may have friends and family who shower him with love and support unconditionally, but he is lonely and has been like this longer than he’d been with  _her_.   
  
Despite what life has thrown him through, Corvo is still here, still living and dreaming like a person. The fire burning within him is still bright and strong, but rarely does anyone see the amount of ashes below the flames to notice how much has piled up as the fire continues to burn and how much it takes to keep it aflamed.  
  
“You definitely would have been different by now, but still the friend that I know.”  _Happier and without depression too_ , Matt thinks but doesn’t say so out loud.  
  
Corvo nods, content with the answer. “I would definitely be different and unfamiliar by then.”  
  
Corvo lets go of the fourth page of the letter as the fire burns up to the corner he’s holding. Ashes separated from each other as they float in the air, some still glowing in bright orange against the black and ashened white. And something about the sight of it struck Matt’s thoughts.  
  
“You know,” Matt says out aloud. “You should write a song about this.”  
  
“About what?” Corvo inquires, right as he is about to ignite the zippo lighter to the last page. “Our heart-to-heart felt talk?”  
  
“No, not that. About this,” Matt gesticulates his hands around. “Of what you’re doing. Writing letters and then burning them to send it to your loved ones in the spirit world. Sending it to the other side.”  
  
“That sounds sad,” Corvo says frankly.  
  
“It sounds like it can be a potentially good song.”  
  
“It already sounds melancholic in the very idea itself,” Corvo says thoughtfully. “It’s not my first time trying my hand in writing something like that. ”  
  
“But now you’re thinking about it too,” Matt points out.  
  
Corvo nods in agreement. “There are some words floating around here and there in my mind. Maybe I will put some of it down when the inspiration strikes for it. Sounds like a ballad for what the content already is. If I manage to write it down, I’ll show it to my bandmates if there’s a music recording to match it. Once it’s been through my editing, of course.”  
  
“Of course you do. But I want to see it first before you erase any traces of the personal connections that it has with you. Better swear by it as a promise.”  
  
“I promise,” Corvo rolls his eyes, but he does hold up his pinky finger to uphold to his promise. His mood has lighten up enough that he’s smiling much easily than just a while before.  
  
“Sorry about going off tangent and putting through that little episode of mine,” Corvo says, rubbing the back of his neck.  
  
“You don’t have to apologise. We’re friends.”  
  
“I’m saying sorry because I probably ruined your day and your upcoming celebrations for Valentine’s Day with Chris.”  
  
“You didn’t ruin it. And you didn’t ruin today either. You were down while you were here today and needed a friend to talk to. I’m only helping you.”  
  
Corvo nods. “You’re a good friend, Matt.”  
  
“Of course I’m a good friend. It’s right in my name itself as you’ve told me all those years ago.”  
  
They both share a laugh at that.  
  
Their laughter was what got Chris to track them down and frome out to the back garden.  
  
“Have you found Corvo there, Matt?” he calls out.  
  
Like a flip on a switch, the depressed mood that Corvo displayed before changed immediately into a more bright and cheerful demeanour.  
  
“What, you can’t see me here, Chris? I’m not a ghost, you know!”  
  
“But you have been lurking around. Almost made our home seem like something out of The Twilight Zone.”  
  
“I was on my way coming out to see the sunset when Matt found me. You missed out on a pretty spectacular sunset!”  
  
The banter between the three of them continued for a few minutes before Corvo excuses himself to go back inside the house to prep himself, after both Chris and Matt have extracted a promise that he won’t disappear off again.  
  
When Corvo had passed by Chris to go back in, the blond stops Matt.  
  
“Is he alright now?” Chris asks quietly. He must have noticed something off of Corvo as well. By when and how much, Matt will have to ask later.  
  
“Yeah, he is for now,” Matt says with confirmation. “Come on, we have a table in a fancy restaurant with our names on it waiting for us.”  
  
He may have done what he can to help Corvo through some much needed serious talk, yet it’s at times like this where Matt wishes that someday, someone special will walk into Corvo’s life and the loneliness that his friend had been through over the years will finally be over.


End file.
